>> Tuesday, June 9, 2015
We received a phone call today, then an email, then a call to the EAU office. I had been busy getting stuff ready for membership meeting and got to returning the call later than I had intended.
Although we know there is something genetically amiss with the Bugster, the thought of there actually being something found is foreign.
That call led to this:
We need to verify the findings before we tell you what we are looking at.
Well, OK, let's do that. Wait...wait...what? Really? We WERE right?
Yes. A lot. We were right in a big way it seems.
There are areas of our genetic code where we KNOW everything should be aligned and doing well and plodding along in synchronicity. 5 of the 6 in our family are synchronized. Bug is not. It's a new genetic variant for us. Something very rare but has been seen before. And for now, that is where we sit.
I am not kidding.
For another week until the results can be confirmed. A week of me putting it out of my mind, and yet slapping me back into it when I look at him. A million questions repressed. Every part of my brain is swimming with the possibilities and it will swim for another week.
How can I focus? How can I NOT obsess over trying to guess what it means and what IT is before he tells us? I can do it because there a million OTHER things to focus on. Things I have been focusing on before much else, before him sometimes. Things that I think are important and it turns out, are only important for a short while until people forget what it took to get to this point.
Now, we have a diagnosis, a really real probability of knowing what is going on with Bug, of knowing WE are not carriers, we did NOT pass this on, he just IS.
So for the next week, forgive me if I don't put everyone else first. And forgive me in advance if I just don't see your priority as my priority. Give me this week. Let me be. Let us be...just us. For another week. Then it may be us and this diagnosis. A flurry of activity surrounding it, emotions, dedications, acceptance, grief, all the things that come with a diagnosis. Most importantly, a new direction.