>> Sunday, April 5, 2015
Bug is doing pretty well, he is smiling and laughing when we tickle him, and he is just so much happier.
He hasn't seized, that we have seen, in 3 days. Which is really nice after the last two weeks he had. Nothing horrible just seizing daily. Still, when I want to take his picture and I call his name, he looks at me.
HE LOOKS AT ME!
You can not know how huge of a deal that is. How my heart smiles when he just turns his head. It's silly, it's simple and yet, it is amazing to have him back in our world after being so long in only his.
Easter was lost on him. He didn't look for his basket or eggs, he didn't want to open any candy. He just sat and played with his blue car, spinning the wheels.
And tomorrow is a big day. Or tomorrow is another day like every other day with nothing new to tell.
If it IS a big day, we may have some answers. His genetic information is available for viewing tomorrow (as if we didn't view it every day by just smiling at him). Tomorrow, the whole exome testing will be discussed.
I want to hear: we found something. I want to hear: and we can do something about it. I want to hear: It's an anomaly and none of your other children have it.
I am prepared to hear: Unremarkable and within limits. It's what we are used to.
I have been doing what I can to ignore it, this pending realization of disappointment, possibility or despair. It has me reeling in so many ways. I shouldn't be so focused but there is so much to focus on! A million scenarios have been going through my mind, playing out in my subconscious while I sleep, I can not get away from it. At least, tomorrow, I put that part to rest. Either we will have some AH HA! Or we will have more of the same. The world may be different tomorrow and it may be more of the same with more action, nothing to do but see what we see.