>> Monday, December 15, 2014
I hate the look he gives me when he is having a complex partial seizure. The look that says: make it stop. And I hate having to wait to help him to see how bad it's going to get first. I hate having a threshold that changes based on seizure activity.
Tonight is one of those changes.
The last few nights, he again, has been seizing every hour or so. Normally, we do not go for the Diastat, I just sleep next to him and wait it out. That usually lasts a week. A week of 5+ seizures a night that awaken him from slumber. A week of watching the seizures get uglier and uglier every hour. A week of watching him everytime he goes to sleep. Naps are especially bad. Why? Not just because he seizes but because the ONLY relief he gets is torn from him. When one is not sleeping well and one naps, if that nap is interrupted the cycle gets worse and the mood gets worse and bad things begin to happen.
So tonight...he has already had 3 seizures. One more and he is getting Diastat. No, I am not a health care professional but I am planning on giving my son Diastat for the second time in two weeks. I am giving it to him to stop bad things from happening and I will NOT question the decision to do so. I know him. And that's why I will help him. There is not an option here, there is only relief and the universe will hold it against me if I don't help when I can. So, I stay awake a little longer, waiting for the inevitable and trying to make things better for others.
I love you little man. I WILL make it better.