Numb

>> Monday, August 3, 2009

I wonder when I will hit that point where I am numb to his feces eating, wiping, playing and just see the child that does not have the ability to control it. When will I look at that mess and just sigh and put him in the shower? Because I still cry. I still look at him and cringe with disgust when I see that all over his face. I picture him at 15 doing the same thing, and then, I can't do anything about it if he won't let me clean him. Right now, I have to FORCE him into the shower. He will sit in it for hours, gleefully dipping his hand in when the paint material wears off. Chirping his delight that he is happy and playing with something that he made. When will I stop crying?

I took it upon myself to up his dosage of Keppra. It's not insane since he is still on a really low dose. He got 5ml in the morning and 5ml at night. He only had one at 7am so I think he is still burning through it too quickly. I will call Shari in a few days once we get a consistent dosage build up and see where he is. Sigh. Again. Sigh.

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