>> Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Bug has been doing pretty well on the new treatment protocol. His seizures are down and his Doctor has agreed to keep him on the Dilantin and monitor it. Oh hooray!
He has seemed more present and aware, more interactive. We all see it, and we all doubt it, because we have been this route so many times before with little but let down in the end.
Today, this new awareness came at a big cost. Big for him and massively big and tremendously sad for me.
There is a picture frame that has three pictures in it. In the center is one of Grandpa and Grandma together and on one side: Grandma with Tay and Ava and the other is Grandpa with Bug and a crying Aiden. Bug took the frame from the cabinet it resides in and has been sitting next to it and holding it for about an hour. Every so often, he touches Grandpa's picture.
This hurts my heart more than you can imagine. I wanted him to not realize Grandpa was gone, I wanted him to NOT remember walking with Grandpa and sharing M & M's with him. I did not want him to feel the loss, to feel like Grandpa was gone. And now...he seems to.
The tears won't stop. I can't help him with this feeling, I can't make it better in any way. Oh the hurt with the joy.